A's

So far I've had two questions. The first one comes from Tara:

Q: If you could have one domestic chore also be an erotic act, which would you choose?

A: I've been thinking about this all day, and I'm gonna have to go with vacuuming. Why? Well, I think I hate vacuuming the most of all of the household chores I do. I have to move heavy stuff around, I frequently throw my back out in the process, and I have a terrible, horrible vacuum. I shouldn't complain, really, since my mother gave me this vacuum, and I have a place to vacuum, and the ability to stand up and move around and vacuum, but the vacuum freaking sucks. Or rather, it doesn't suck enough. It's old, and worn out, and the part on the handle that you squeeze when you want to activate the vacuum head is broken off so you have to stick your finger in this little space and push this teeny sharp little button and hold it down the entire time, but the stupid thing will still shut its self off at will, and then you have to take the head apart and reset it before you can carry on with the job. It doesn't pick up a lot of stuff, and trust me, there's a lot of stuff to be picked up on the light grey carpet of our apartment. Every time I use the bloody thing I think about how much I'd like a brand spanking new vacuum, and I curse how expensive the good ones are, and how bo-daget bad the cheap ones are. If there was a way that vacuuming my apartment could also be an erotic art, that'd be sweet. Maybe I could fashion some sort of dildo harness on top of it so I could ride it around and get my rocks off while I cleaned. I'm sure the warmness and vibrations of the vacuum cleaner would be quite a treat. Imagine how nice my carpets would be . . .

As a side note, I know it's a long ways a way before Christmas or my birthday roll around, but I was thinking since I have so much stuff, and no real space for a lot more new stuff, perhaps all potential gift givers could chip in towards the future purchase of a new vacuum/dildo riding apparatus, rather than giving me stuff I don't have space for.

Question number two comes from Rebecca:

Q: Why are you disgruntled by the Blog thing?

A: I am disgruntled by the blog thing for a number of reasons. First, I have become increasingly aware of the fact that I don't really know who is reading my blog, and thus I've been reserved in picking topics to write about. I have considered starting a secret blog I won't tell a single soul about where I would write such things, but what would be fun about that? I am further disgruntled because people who know me have read the blog and been concerned about my emotional heath, so have phoned me to offer advice on what they thought was wrong with me, and I have patiently listened to such advice going on and on, only to realize that the things these people think are upsetting me and the things that are actually upsetting me are two completely different things. This leads me to believe either my writing is not that good, or my friends just don't know me that well. Who is to blame for that? Me? My friends? The blog? I then think desperately for witty things to blog about, and they come flying at me from all angles, but when I sit down to blog they just don't seem that witty or interesting anymore. For example, I've thought a number of times of blogging about Beverly Hills 90210, which is being played on channel TVtropolis FROM THE BEGINNING. It's insane! It's so bad it's hilarious. Things strike me about it, like how when I watched the first few episodes I noticed how chubby Brenda and Kelly and Donna all looked, and then I realized that they weren't chubby at all, but fast forward 15 years and the stars of the OC (what I think is today's 90210) are so unhealthy and skinny that it makes the TV stars of yesteryear look like fatso's. And they dress like adults, not teenagers. Did I notice that when I was 14, or did I dress like that too? The dialogue is SO BAD it makes me want to pee my pants on purpose a little. Lines like, "Dad, I know you're not ready for me to be having a sexual relationship yet, and neither am I. But what if I'm ready before you are? What then?" or, "Dammit Dylan, she's a virgin!" Season 2 is just starting, enter Emily Valentine, the rough and tough motorcycle riding babe who all the boys are after. Dylan is rebounding from Brenda, and takes a fancy to Emily, but so does Brandon. Will this jeopardize their friendship? In future episodes Emily Valentine takes the gang to a rave. They have to go to some convenience store and ask to exchange an egg, and then they'll get directions to the mystery party, where Emily will dose Brandon on E. Lucky Brandon. But none of this seems relevant, and so my blogging ceased. I'll try to be a better blogger from now on. It means a lot to Rebecca.

Keep those questions coming, folks. More questions means more posting.