I spoke last night with an old friend, whose phone calls I have, unfortunately, been terrible at returning. Finally connecting, he told me, among other things, he is splitting with his wife. This means the first three friends of mine to marry are now also the first three friends of mine to divorce. This is an unsettling trend.
Paul and I have been together over four years now, and while we have no plans to marry, neither do we have plans to not be together forever. We know several couples who have been together for a shorter (sometimes significantly) period of time than we, who are married - are those relationships more valid than ours? It depends on who you ask. I've certainly felt the 'unmarried shun' from some people, like the invitations addressed to 'Paul and Guest' (what, you think he's going to bring someone other than his common-law partner?), or the uncle of mine who didn't bother to include a picture of Paul on the family tree wall at a family reunion (not that Paul minded - I quite frankly would have liked to escape the wall myself).
Then there was my mother, who, when we made a comment about how the uber catholic grandparents would have been happy only if we had slept in seperate tents while camping, said, "even now that you're married?", and when I reminded her that we weren't, said, "oh yeah. I just feel like you are.".
I know being married is no more a guarantee of longevity in a relationship than not being married isn't, my first three friends to wed a perfect example. I know I don't need other people to validate the bond between Paul and I, and I know a piece of jewellery or a certificate isn't going to increase the strength of that bond. We don't need to stand in front of a crowd of people and profess our love in order for it to be real, but incase our lack of matrimonial status is confusing for any of you, here it is, pure and simple; I love Paul. And Billywilly. And the Bogowogo Man.
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7 comments:
People often ask how long Darren and I have been together.
And I have no clue. Somewhere in the 4-6 year mark (I think).
But it doesn't really matter - it just feels like its always been this way.
And no plans to get married here either; maybe once kids come into the picture. Maybe. No plans to split, either.
But engagement rings are so pretty...
*not sure what level of sarcasm this comment should be read at*
Some are pretty, some are tacky. You lucked out, and you got a great fella to go with it!
I am one of the married ones who thinks marriage is an outdated concept. It's just a ceremony. And a party. And then life goes on. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. A ring certainly doesn't bring two people more or less together. I have not worn my wedding rings for months now, and I like it that way. I feel more "me"...not just so and so's wife...
I keep falling into the 'Oh, I could marry this person, and live happily ever after!' pit.. within the first few dates. Part of the reason why I'm so happy exploring polyamoury right now is that it has taken away the pressure to decide if a person is The One... 'cause they can be slightly imperfect and still be One of a Few or Many :)
Hmmm...
Understand where people sit on the not into marriage side of the fence, but just like the idea of being married.
I like the ring, the anniversaries, the day of, the honeymoon, the renewal of vows etc etc.
I like that idea.
The place where i am flexible is divorce. Who cares...!!! Not working out..?Take a hike, find someone else? Do it all over again. I think divorcées are more scrutinized then people who never took a trek down the isle.
Just my opinion ;)
Adam and I used to say we would have a "wedding" for our five year marriage anniversary. Then we were like -- mmm, maybe for our ten year. Then we were like, fuck it, we hate weddings.
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