Buddy Trant - King of the Avulsion

Poor Mr. Bubbaroo. Nearly 1 year to the date of his infamous Big Bad Birthday Walk, when an unfortunate misunderstanding with a German Sheppard left him in stitches - about 20 on the side of his rib cage, he does it again.

This time he does some spectacular damage to himself. Anyone who has ever knocked on the front door to my parents house has experienced what I like to call the 'Bark N Slam'. Upon hearing the knock, Buddy launches himself down the hallway, screeching along the hardwood floor so fast he can't stop, slams his whole body into the front door, and then continues the barking and growling. If you didn't know there was a 12 year old 65lb dalmatian behind that door, you'd think it was a 2 year old 150lb rottweiler trained to attack. Buddy has given himself some pretty nasty nosebleeds via the 'Bark N Slam', but never an injury like this.

Yesterday afternoon, a friend of my brother's knocked on the door. Buddy started hurtling himself down the hall, as per usual, and as the viewing window at the top of the door was open, Buddy could see someone out there. So not only did he launch himself at the door, he also launched himself upward. Will, my brother, said the dog was literally airborn for a few seconds, and splatted himself against the door cartoon style. Somehow, and no one has really figured out how, he did some damage to his left rear leg, tearing a triangular avulsion, and exposing tendons.

Now, normal people would bundle their dog up in the car, and take him to the vet. My family has never been normal people. My mother, as some of you already know, is a doctor. A people doctor, that is, but she seems to think that she is a doctor to all creatures at some time or another. She also seems to think that Krazy Glue and Duct Tape are all she needs to fix the dog. She also wanted to break the pet rat's neck one time, but that's a whole nother story. One time, one summer, when Buddy went into some other dog's house, and that dog told him to get the fuck out by biting him in the leg and tearing a chunk open, my mom attempted to fix the dog by first gluing the wound together* and then when the dog kept moving around and the glue wouldn't stick, she thought it would be good to wrap the tape around his middle to help hold it shut. My Dad eventually made her take the dog to the vet, and explain why he was covered in tape and glue. Furthermore, my parents being the thrifty type told the vet that a general anesthetic would not be necessary, so they simply froze the wound, held the dog down, and stitched away. He was pretty good. Last year, when I took him on the Big Bad Walk, the lady whose dog bit him drove me to a vet before my mom could get to him, so he did get properly stitched up, but again, we refused the general, and all held the dog while he got his stitches. Well that was $400 well wasted, since the skin never took, the stiches fell out and he just had a gaping wound on his side, which eventually healed into an impressive looking scar. I guess old Bud figured now that he's 12 and all, he doesn't have so much time left to impress the ladies, so better up and get some more scars. Back to the current wound . . . yes, you guessed it, Momma T fixed him up herself. Not with tape and glue this time though, she went to her office and got a proper suture kit, and some freezing, draped the kitchen table with a clean table cloth, hoisted the dog up there, and while Dad, Pamela and Will held him down, Buddy got 15 stitches.

And now he has to wear a cone.


* My mother isn't totally insane, they use krazy glue type stuff in operating rooms now.