The question I get asked most frequently these days is about how it's going with planning the wedding. The answer? Meh. Wedding planning is making me cranky, so I'm taking a break from it. It's just all so insane, and so expensive, and so much emotion is tied up with it. We don't have a venue, so we don't have a date, so I can't go ahead and book the amazingly talented (and very expensive) photographer I want to use.
On the one hand I feel like it would be financially irresponsible of us to have a wedding at all, being that Paul is only at the beginning of paying of some huge student loans, and I'm in my final year of working full time before becoming a full time student. We could take the wedding budget and squirrel it away for a future down payment, which seems like the responsible thing to do.
On the other hand I'm worried that if we don't have a wedding I'll feel bummed out about it, well, forever.
And then back to the first hand where I'm aware that weddings are a social construction and they don't really mean anything, and Paul and I can make a 'bigger' commitment to each other with out spending a whack of dough and doing it in front of a lot of people.
Yes it is a construction, and a silly one, but one that has become symbolic and meaningful and what other opportunity will we have to gather our friends and family together in this manner and publicly declare our commitment to one another.
Gah.
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4 comments:
Just a thought, since most people can't afford an extravagant wedding when first married (and choose to do one later when they have been married a bit).
1. Go to city hall - with close fam and friends
Then book your fav resturant, fancy or not, and invite your friends for dinner. People can pay their own bill and ould be mor elike a wedding party than a 'wedding' per say.
or, which i don't recommend, you can pull a Maki N: She sent me an invite to her wedding 'fundraiser' the other week..can you beleive it? i thought that was highly tacky, but apprently its the norm in some parts.
LOL What do i know.
Weddings are fun. I want to fly out and come to a wedding and wear a peach coloured dress! And I want to dance to bad wedding music and make a speech and cry a little. Oh, and it will be nice to see you and Paul get married. (For a moment I forgot that it wasn't all about me. . .)
Em
Hahahaha..
I like this 'Em' person.
Funny story: i was once at the hairdressers getting an updo for my ex's sister's wedding. I wanted my hair to look good since i bought this killer dress etc and was quite particular with the things she was doing with my hair...it had to be just peeeerfect. Well, finally the hairdresser had to turn around and say ' you know, you're not the bride!'
LOL she seriously stumped me. I was like.."Yeah?! AND?!" i wanted to look just as good...
Aren't wedding a great excuse to dress to the nines???
LOL
Take a deeper look at the part of a wedding that is most important to you:
If it is saying your vows in front of your loved ones, that can be done on a beach or in a park (booking a public park with a gazebo so at least the wedding party has weather shelter. Potluck picnics can replace sit-down dinners, people can bring the beverages of their choice, and people can celebrate YOU rather than your budget (which could probably be chopped by two thirds)
If it having the party and the beautiful photos, ask yourself if it is possible to have THAT event a few years down the road, after putting some money towards student loans and other costs... a five year renewal of your vows, perhaps? Picture yourself looking happier in your photos, because you'll be farther away from the pool, in a better financial place, and be farther down the wonderful relationship road...
If it is about you and Paul, exchange vows and rings someplace special to the two of you, and carry on with your legal common law status.. I don't think there's anything that a legal marriage gets you these days that common law doesn't. Writing wills and letters to your family with clear statements of intent could be good...
Taking a break from thinking about it is a good thing, too :)
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