For those of you who are a part of a couple, or have ever been a part of a couple:
How often do you fight?
"Wine is sunlight, held together by water" - Galielo Galilei
About Me
- Katie
- Gainfully unemployed, which rules. Student, which sucks. Married, which is interesting . . .
14 comments:
once a week
moved to twice a week
moved to every litle thing
moved to really unhealthy
Hm.
The ex? ALL THE TIME. Seriously unhappy. Ended it partly because of the fact that I didn't like the person I became around him.
Now? Hardly ever. I think Darren and I have had a couple of big blowups that are due to the fact that we are both only children. Any sort of argument results in one of the following ends:
- "You know, you're being really selfish about this"
- "And you aren't?"
(Use interchangeably)
Or,
- "You are being such an only child!"
- "And you aren't?"
He makes me think about my behaviour, and vice-versa. It helps that we're both aware of our equal self-centredness
Bellinis, anyone?
And because I have not pontificated enough...
What you think you're mad about isn't really what you're mad about.
Like when I said to Darren, "I'm going to be really busy the next few months with work and work and school, and I'll need you to help out more around the house."
And he didn't. And I got mad. Not because he wasn't doing stuff - I don't particularly care about that. I saw it as a lack of respect for me and our relationship.
The moral? Figure out what is FUNDAMENTALLY bothering you - that really gets to your core. And address that - don't use the behaviour as an excuse.
Or have some Bellinis or Margaritas - green apple tequila, anyone? :)
We discuss things a lot, and maybe have a miscommunication leading to revelation to blow-out on a semi-annual or quarterly basis. We bring in outside help to sort out the big issues. Mostly there's debate rather than battle.
daily. a bad one at least monthly. but neither of us sulk for long.
Never. But that was unhealthy in its own way, too.
Hmmmmmm. Minor snarkiness once a week, maybe a big one every month or so. Never lasts long though...
I agree with Nicole though...it is usually not what you are arguing about that you are really mad at...
Wow...so mnay responses...
I figure reflecting back, the last 8 months the relationship we fought all the time about every stupid detail.
I aggree with the person who said that those fights were not the root of the issues..but by the time we ended it we fought so much and the issues never got solved...and to be honest they were there right form the beginning, right from the first time we met and i guess i thought they'd change...hed change, i'd change...and guess what?
We didn't.
Ps;
I must say i'm loving all the blogging as of late...no pressure :)
dr. phil says that it's not how often you fight, but how well you fight.
um... ALL the time! Sometimes I wonder when it's too much too, but I don't think we're malicious or even unhappy, just bickery. And perhaps far too committed to processing things! We had to fire a recent counsellor because she wanted us to focus on communicating our feelings. Duh, we never do anything else BUT communicate our feelings! We need a counsellor who will tell us to shut the f** up and just relax for a change!
Hardly ever - discussion rather than fights.
If you are fighting all the time I guess you need to look at what it is you are fighting about. Are they the same issues time and time again, are you doing anything to change it, what are you doing as a couple that will make it change, can you see it as the same old 2 months or 2 years from now? But most importantly are you both willing to put in the effort to make it different?
What I want to know is how much sex is "normal" for a couple?
You read mags saying 3x+ a week but I always read mag surveys sceptically - is it more or less or somewhere in between?
Here's my take.
Love is Honey, Hate is Glue.
Every relationship need honey, but that alone will not hold you together. Glue on the other hand is great for sticking together. Some of the strongest relationships I knew, the people stayed together way too long out of mutual hate for each other.
Find the balance. That's a personal choice between individuals, but I think both are healthy.
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